In the Settlers of Brooklyn (pronounced inexplicably in the lost tongue of the High Middle Ages), an “award-winning game of entitlement, self-discovery and brunch,” there are five resources available: coffee, vinyl, bicycles, skinny jeans, and kale. All of which sound like reasonably life-enhancing additions, but when combined with a tableful of flannel-wearing gits, such as those portrayed in the video below, set on engineering the perfect endless brunch, the whole picture begins to grate like the line outside Egg on a Sunday morning. So the best thing to do may be just to roll with it, which is the idea behind this quick video sendup from snarkmeisters Above Average.
Though it may not, in fact, be true that “in the early 2000s, the land was virtually uninhabited by young adults with wealthy parents,” as a player in this imaginary board game, your goal is to “be the first player to create a fully gentrified colony” with record stores, food trucks, and Urban Outfitters. And while you’re at it, why not take a shot at upgrading your loft to a condo! You can see where this is going, as can the portly, faceless “realtor” gamepiece which “moves residents out of the neighborhood to make room for more colonization.” And you’ll never guess what the winner gets.
Keep the brunch wagon rolling with (brand new!) expansion packs for Harlem and Astoria. It’s all in good fun. Til you get stuck with nothing but kale.
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